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Living in the Pokeworld|01/04/03

The world of Pokemon, a friendly one? No, I don't think so. A safe one? Definitely not. A world that even makes sense? NO. What would the real world be like if it was more like the world in which Pokemon game designers see? Only game designers COULD come up with such a distorted view of a world, as they probably aren't going by much personal experience OF the outside world anyways. Let's go through a day in my life were I a game sprite in the world of Pokemon...

Alright, like any normal boy, I wake up in the morning, wearing my shoes and bookbag from the day before... After a quick search for clean clothes, I realize I don't have any, or ever any drawers to put clothes in. I must have spent all my clothes money on that gamecube by the TV (an obvious priority over clothes). Ok, forget clean clothes, but I've got to use the bathroom... NO BATHROOM?? I'll have go in the woods, no bother. I wonder what is for breakfast?

Me: Good morning mom! What's for breakfast?
Mom: How are you doing Jason? You look a little tired.
Me: Actually, I just woke up, I'm rea--
Mom: I think you should rest a bit.
Me: Um... sure..
*Rests*
Me: Alright... now can I go out, mom?
Mom: How are you doing Jason? You look a little tired.
Me: Uh, I just woke up, for the second time...
Mom: I think you should rest a bit.
Me: How about I don't. *Runs*

Ok, so mom is clearly a Furby or zombie or something, that was weird. I guess I'll grab some breakfast at the store. One of these two building must be the store.

PROF. BIRCH'S HOUSE. Hmm, nope... PROF BIRCH'S POKEMON LAB. Wtf? We have a Pokemon lab, but no store? Maybe it's up through that tall grass over there.

BAM, YOU WERE ATTACKED BY KICKYOURASSEMON!! Crap! Where the hell did that come from, the grass isn't THAT tall! There is no way an animal can sneak up and attack me in grass that barely comes up over my shoes. I don't condone the beating up of animals, even ones that feel the need to attack me for no reason, so I'll just run away. I'll have to watch where I step from now on... Ah! There's the store, now, I'll just casually walk in front of that man right there.

Man: AHA! Let's battle!

Battle? You have got to be kidding me. What a violent world. I don't want to fight a complete stranger. I guess I'll just have to run away again... Oh look, my legs seem to not be functioning for some reason and I AM UNABLE TO RUN. What could prevent me from having control over my own ability to run? I'll have to fight it out.

Hmm... a Hotdog-shaped Pokemon... this shouldn't be too difficult.

HOTDOG SPLASHES AROUND. It doesn't seem to have any effect...

Phew, that was close... *chomp chomp*

HOT DOG FAINTED.

Man: Oh no! I should have spent less time fishing instead of training my Pokemon. I'm a horrible horrible person that doesn't deserve to live. Weep weep weep, here's 300 dollars.

?

Ok, so, world is making little to no sense so far, I feel like I'm stuck in an episode of the Twilight Zone. At least I made it to the store, let's see what I can purchase...

Potion... antidote, parlyz heal, and awakening... Uh, what about bread? Maybe some eggs? No one eats anything around here? I guess that explains the lack of bathrooms and brain functioning. I wonder where people that don't work at the store get money to buy things from the store... On my way here, I counted 26 people, 4 houses, 2 businesses (only 1 with income) and only 2 beds. I'm no mathematician, but there seems like there is going to be some pretty severe social and economic problems going on in this community in the near future. Don't even get me started on hygiene.

Alright, so in the 15 minutes I've been awake, I've been subjected to a broken record mom hell-bent on my eternal sleep, community designs that seem to have nothing in mind except keeping humans from goods and services, severe lack of beds, bread, sewage, and sensible folk, deranged maniacs that attack you for walking near them and pay you for beating them up, and grass that merely walking through can leave you a dead man. If the city planners spent a little more time CUTTING the tall grass and keeping the crazies locked up, and a little less time making sure all the trees are planted in perfect rows and columns and ensuring there is a sign to be read within every 20 foot radius, then maybe the Pokeworld would be a little better place to be. As of now though, even for a game sprite such as myself, this place is ridiculous. I'm going to never try to live in a gameworld again.

- Typhoeus